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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361945">Stay With Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/labelleplume/pseuds/Vexify'>Vexify (labelleplume)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hanahaki Disease</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:09:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,842</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27361945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/labelleplume/pseuds/Vexify</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Byleth has only just come to realize the nature of her feelings for Dimitri when she's thrown off a cliff at the Battle of Garreg Mach. When Byleth finally awakes, Dimitri is no longer the prince she remembers but her feelings have not changed. In his current state however, love is the last thing on Dimitri's mind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier (minor)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>177</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I originally wrote this piece entitled as "I See You" in one feverish go but I wanted to expand on it. This is the significantly more fleshed our version of that story but if you really liked the original just let me know!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Byleth watches as her students carry Flayn and the other red-haired student they found carefully back to the infirmary. She sighs in relief, finally releasing some of the tension she’s been holding in her body for hours. The Death Knight had been a difficult opponent and the sudden appearance of the Flame Emperor left her feeling distinctly at a disadvantage. Never before has Byleth been so frustrated with her general lack of knowledge of the world. An understanding of Fódlan politics would go a long way to providing some insight into these new enemies’ motivations. Byleth pushes the thoughts away, they are an issue for a later time.</p><p>The ordeal will no doubt leave its marks on Flayn, but for the moment, Byleth is merely glad she is alive. She was never particularly close to the green-haired girl, but seeing Seteth so distraught, it cut deeper than anything she’d felt before. When Byleth asked Jeralt, he called it empathy.</p><p>
  <em>“You’re learning how to feel other people’s emotions, Kid.”</em>
</p><p>Everyone files out of the room save one, Dimitri. Byleth watches him as he murmurs his thanks to his classmates who fought below while he sought medical attention for Manuela. Deep gratitude, relief, and happiness are clear in his expression. Unlike her, the young man cannot help but display his emotions on his face. The muscles in her face twitch in an unfamiliar way and her chest feels light all of a sudden as she looks at him. Dimitri turns and catches a glance of her face before the feeling fades again and Byleth is back to her calm, neutral state. His eyes widen slightly.</p><p>“Professor, can you make that expression one more time?”</p><p>She blinks and tries to recreate the way her muscles moved just a second ago, the sensation foreign and unfamiliar.</p><p>“Like this?” Byleth asks.</p><p>“I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face like that.”</p><p>She releases the expression and considers his statement.</p><p>“Is there something wrong with it?”</p><p>“No of course not!” Dimitri reassures her, “It’s just… I’ve never see you look so happy before. It’s downright mesmerizing. I think this is the first time I’ve seen you smile.”</p><p>Happy. Byleth turns the phrase over in her mind before applying it to herself. She smiled because she was happy. It was a strange feeling, but not unpleasant. Dimitri is a bit pink in the cheeks and apologizing again for potentially teasing her but all Byleth can focus on is the fact that for the first time in her life, someone is looking at her like she’s a person. Not a monster, not a weapon, not a teacher, not a vessel. Just… Byleth. There’s a soft pulse in her stomach, momentarily breaking through her blank demeanor. Something about him feels like the promise of happiness. Perhaps Dimitri can make her feel like that again.</p>
<hr/><p>Byleth spins out until a tug spins her back into Dimitri’s arms. They’re dancing at the ball and it’s becoming painfully clear why Dimitri was adamant that he not represent their class in the White Heron Cup. He knows the steps, but he’s stiff and Byleth has next to no experience with formal dances. Somehow she can’t bring herself to care. Byleth is smiling again and her chest is more than light, it’s tight with tension but she knows she’s not in danger. Her hand is in his, the other on his shoulder as he holds her waist. Dimitri forwent his usual gauntlets, and his hands are a touch cold and calloused. It’s a pleasant sensation and Byleth squeezes a little tighter and brushes her thumb back and forth across his fingers in an attempt to warm them. Dimitri missteps and promptly stumbles over her feet. Byleth catches him in her arms and steadies him as a small laugh escapes her lips. As soon as she’s aware of the sound it cuts off and Byleth touches a hand to her mouth in surprise. Dimitri’s eyes are gleaming with something she doesn’t understand but then they’re spiraling with the other couples again, his grip on her waist stronger than before.</p><p>They tire of the frivolity soon after and escape into the cool night air while laughter continues to sound in the hall. It’s peaceful out here but a few couples seem to have had similar ideas and so Byleth heads towards an area of the monastery that looks unoccupied.</p><p>“Professor,” Dimitri starts, and his voice is strained, “Is this a good idea?”</p><p>Byleth quirks her eyebrows at him confused.</p><p>“It’s quieter.”</p><p>His lips part like he’s going to say something more but she’s already heading up the spiral staircase to the top of the Goddess Tower. Byleth leans over the railing and closes her eyes, breathing in the damp scent of soil and leaves. It will rain soon. When she opens her eyes again, Dimitri is looking at her strangely, half-confusion and half-something she doesn’t have a word for. If Byleth had to describe it she would say Dimitri looked at her like a stranger, but trusted her nonetheless.</p><p>“Do you know the legend of the Goddess Tower?”</p><p>She shakes her head mutely.</p><p>“It’s said that if two people make a wish together in the sight of the Goddess, she’ll grant their desires.”</p><p>Byleth tilts her head curiously.</p><p>“Do you believe that?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Dimitri comes forward to rest his forearms on the railing next to her and looks out on the valley the monastery is built on top of.</p><p>“The goddess just watches over us from above… That is all. No matter how hard someone begs to be saved, she would never so much as offer her hand.”</p><p>Sorrow weighs heavy in his voice and Byleth is reminded of the mission to Gaspard territory, when Catherine recounted the Tragedy of Duscar. Would it help or hurt more to tell Dimitri that the goddess lives within her? That when she reaches out a hand the goddess offers hers as well?</p><p>“Do you wished to be saved?”</p><p>Dimitri stiffens and Byleth worries that she’s overstepped her bounds.</p><p>“People tell me I’ve already been saved.”</p><p>He was the sole survivor that day. Something in his tone makes her think that it’s not something that he feels particularly grateful for.</p><p>“That’s not what I asked.”</p><p>“I… I don’t know. I wish for a world where no one is unjustly taken from us.”</p><p>Byleth extends a hand and after a moment of hesitation, Dimitri takes it.</p><p>“That’s a good wish. I will wish for that as well.”</p><p>“Thank you Professor.”</p><p>“Byleth.”</p><p>“Wh-what? No, I couldn’t disrespect you – “</p><p>“I’m just a mercenary, nothing more.”</p><p>In a flash Dimitri goes from stuttering to righteous, his eyes blazing.</p><p>“You are more than nothing. Even if you weren’t our professor, even if you remained a mercenary, even if you were not a mercenary at all, you could never be nothing.”</p><p>Byleth smiles slightly, amused by his impassioned speech. That was not how she meant it, but the sentiment still warms her. Feeling happy is starting to feel more familiar to her, but it makes its presence known in so many different ways that it still leaves her dizzy.</p><p>“Thank you,” she says demurely, “But I merely meant to release you from formal honorifics for an evening. It’s not unlike how you do not appreciate being referred to as your Highness.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>His face is a lovely rose hue and Byleth feels slightly guilty for embarrassing him so.</p><p>“I think the goddess feels the same.”</p><p>“I don’t understand.”</p><p>“The stories we tell ourselves about her, that raise her on a pedestal so high that no one, mortal or immortal could ever live up to the expectation, I’m sure she wishes for a reprieve as well.”</p><p>Dimitri merely gapes at her. He’s probably never heard anyone talk about the goddess in such a familiar and irreverent way before. Holding his hands in hers, Byleth gazes at Dimitri seriously, wanting him to take her words to heart.</p><p>“I do not think the goddess meant to abandon you.”</p><p>The silence stretches as Dimitri tries several times to say something before closing his mouth. After a moment he takes one of his hands back and rests it against his chest.</p><p>“If it were anyone else, I would think they were mocking me. But for some reason, I believe you. Profess- Byleth,” he corrects himself, “You make me want to wish for more.”</p><p>She lazily rubs comforting circles on the back of the hand still in her grasp.</p><p>“What do you wish for Dimitri?”</p><p>He steps forward, close enough that Byleth has to tilt her head up to maintain eye contact. She can feel his warm breath on her chilled skin and when he speaks it’s hardly louder than a whisper.</p><p>“I wish that we could be together forever.”</p><p>Her stomach flips in a way that Byleth has never felt before, like she’s nauseous and there’s a fluttering in her chest that she can’t stop. Byleth isn’t even sure what he means. She’s not sure what she wants him to mean. Does he want her to stay with him as a knight in his retinue? Does he want her to take up a teaching position in Fhirdiad at the School of Sorcery? He certainly can’t mean as his lover.</p><p>Despite her request only minutes before, Byleth is struck suddenly by the reality of their situation. The deference her position offers her is temporary, only a year of borrowed time. Even as a professor, Dimitri far outranks her, a common-born mercenary. It’s not that she thinks lowly of herself. But she knows nothing of Faerghan politics, has never been taught the courtesies of nobility, barely even knows how to dance properly. Byleth’s continued presence in his life would make Dimitri a laughingstock. And yet here he is, asking the goddess to bind them to each other’s fate for eternity.</p><p>Dimitri must sense her conflict because he lets out a forced laugh.</p><p>“You must admit I’ve improved in the art of joke telling.”</p><p>As quickly as the fluttering started in Byleth’s chest, it stops, replaced by a dull ache. She pulls back. Byleth has heard a plethora of jokes from Alois and Claude. But this one stings, hurts the same way it had when Sylvain joked about hating her. A joke she cannot take seriously, but that is true nonetheless.</p><p>“That’s cruel.”</p><p>Any magic the ball cast on the evening dissipates.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Professor,” Dimitri apologizes, the honorifics and deference returning to stretch a chasm between them. “I should not have said such a thing, please think nothing of it.”</p><p>Byleth waves away his concern.</p><p>“It’s alright.”</p><p>But when she swallows, she can’t rid herself of the lump in her throat.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Is this what Dimitri felt like after the Tragedy of Duscar?</em>
</p><p>Byleth sits in her father’s study, drained of all life and energy. She cannot recall how long she wept, only that her eyes are so puffy she doubts any more liquid can be coaxed from them.</p><p>
  <em>I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Even with the power of a goddess I could not save my own father.</em>
</p><p>Byleth’s eyes burn, her throat is tight, and there is an awful aching hollowness in her body that is so much worse than any wound she’s taken. Words fail her once again as she tries to name it. Sothis stirs in her mind, having tried to give Byleth privacy the last few hours.</p><p>
  <em>“It’s grief, my dear.”</em>
</p><p>Her clothes are still damp with rain and blood. She could not find the strength to change, as though a new outfit would mean this moment has passed and her father really was dead. It’s foolish, Byleth knows, but since coming to the monastery she seems more prone to fits of foolishness than ever before. Cold logic no longer comforts her the way it once did. There’s a gentle knock at the door.</p><p>“Professor?”</p><p>Dimitri is half in the doorway, uncertain that his presence is welcome. Byleth quickly rubs her palms across her eyes and beckons him in.</p><p>“Lady Rhea has been looking for you. I’ve given my report to her to buy you more time, but do not push yourself to return sooner than you should. Would you like to join me in the dining hall?”</p><p>It’s such a mundane request that Byleth can hardly comprehend it. She’s numb, hunger a sensation that doesn’t register amidst the crushing force of loss.</p><p>“You haven’t eaten since it happened, have you?”</p><p>She shakes her head.</p><p>“If the dining hall is too overwhelming I can bring you some food to the privacy of your quarters.”</p><p>His tone is pleading and there’s a look in his eye that is not pity but understanding. Still Byleth shakes her head.</p><p>“Forgive me… I know it is far too soon. I don’t believe it’s a sign of strength to just keep moving forward no matter what. Taking the time to grieve for those we’ve lost… there’s strength in that too. That’s what I think, anyway.”</p><p>It almost burns, how gentle Dimitri’s being with her. The man who can barely swing a lance without shattering it is surprisingly tender. And Byleth knows that he of all people knows what it feels like to be completely helpless as your family is murdered in front of you. Perhaps that is what gives her comfort, that she knows at least one person that she can find solace in. Byleth feels incredibly small curled in on herself on the couch and she stares at the floor, but she makes her request anyway.</p><p>“Would you… would you stay with me a while?”</p><p>Without a word Dimitri comes to sit beside her and wraps an arm around her as she buries her face in the crook of his neck, tears beginning to fall once more when she thought she had none left.</p><p>“You need never ask,” he says, “No matter what happens, who we may face, or what anyone may say, I will stand by you. Through anything. Until the bitter end.”</p><p>Byleth looks up and that same righteous wrath she saw in the Goddess Tower blazes in his eyes once more. Her head spins for a moment at the thought that the ball was only two days ago.</p><p>“Know that your enemies are my enemies. I will do all I can to help you find justice. There is no one else I can... My strength is yours alone. I will fight as you command... I will kill anyone should you ask it of me.”</p><p>Dimitri pledges himself to her earnestly, body and soul. Even amidst Byleth’s agony she recognizes the depth of the gesture and she is grateful for it. To know that she will not be alone when she faces the enemy once more is worth more to her than all the riches of the world. Byleth is too numb to feel anything other than grief, but Dimitri’s proximity, his utter devotion to her, it soothes some of the ache. He means something to her.</p><p>“I think I would like some food if that’s alright,” Byleth says, doing her best to keep her voice from cracking.</p><p>If not for her sake, then for his, so that Dimitri does not have to watch her waste away. He does not smile but his eyes light up and he gently pulls her up and towards the door.</p><p>“Of course,” Dimitri replies.</p><p>With his hand on hers, Dimitri leads her back into the world of the living.</p>
<hr/><p>“Professor… I’m glad you’re ok. And you seem relatively unscathed. I’m… I’m so relieved.”</p><p>Dimitri’s eyes are still wide from shock and relief, Byleth’s disappearance must have terrified him. Instead of Flayn she is the one who emerged from the dark depths to return to them. The irony is not lost on her, especially considering her new mint-green hair. Byleth places a hand on his shoulder to reassure him.</p><p>“I’m here. I came back.”</p><p>He takes a shuddering breath.</p><p>“Yes, you did. What… what happened while you were gone?”</p><p>Byleth’s words catch in her throat. What should she tell him? Should she tell him the truth? What even is the truth? What is she?</p><p>The questions pile up until Byleth is rendered mute, the events of the past few weeks weighing on her. Sothis is gone and it’s all her fault. Byleth should never have run after Kronya like she did. She endangered everyone and paid a heavy price for it.</p><p>“Professor?”</p><p>Byleth snaps out of it to see Dimitri looking at her with concern. She must tell him something. Will he still look at her like that if he knows what she is? Byleth decides to start with the simplest truth.</p><p>“The goddess gave me her power.”</p><p>“The… goddess?”</p><p>He’s gaping again and Byleth stares at the ground uncomfortably, her hands twisting the bottom of her tunic. She feels her chin tilted up and Dimitri grips her shoulders.</p><p>“Having seen you pierce the sky with my own eyes, I find myself unable to doubt you. Truly I was blessed the day you entered my life.”</p><p>He looks at her with such care and affection that Byleth sways, both from the toll the goddess’ power took on her body and the sudden realization of what this feeling is. Jeralt’s diary has enough passages about her mother that Byleth understands that the emotion suddenly gripping her is love. She loves him. Unconditionally and without reservation. The last thing she remembers is being carefully cradled against Dimitri’s chest as he carries her back to the monastery.</p>
<hr/><p>The last thing Byleth sees before the ground crumbles beneath her is Dimitri’s terrified expression, his hand reaching out to her from across the battlefield as though he might save her.</p><p><em>I’m sorry</em>.</p><p>Dimitri is her last thought as she plunges off the cliff into the frigid river below.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I failed him.</em>
</p><p>The thought fills her mind, courses through her veins, closing her throat. Byleth couldn’t feel emotions before. Now she might die from feeling.</p><p>Dimitri crouches in the darkness of the Goddess Tower, a heavy fur mantle enveloping him. Matted blond hair hangs along the sides of his face, both flecked with blood and dirt. A single ice blue eye stares up at her in disbelief, the other hidden behind a black eyepatch.</p><p>She approaches slowly, not wanting to startle him. Dimitri’s gaze is glassy and unfocused. He barely reacts to her outstretched hand.</p><p>“I should have known… that one day… you would be haunting me as well.”</p><p>Dimitri’s voice is rough and rasping, words sounding foreign as they tumble from his lips.</p><p>“Dimitri,” she whispers, calm and soothing.</p><p>He reacts violently, pushing himself up and away from her, stumbling back towards the wall.</p><p>“You… What must I do to be rid of you? I will kill that woman, I swear it!” he yells at her before pleading, “Do not look upon me with scorn in your eyes.”</p><p>Dimitri’s eyes pass through her, unseeing as though Byleth is merely a shade. And she must seem like one, dressed in the rags of her old clothes and armor, hair snarled with leaves, damp and limp. A decaying image of who she once was.</p><p>Byleth pulls her hand back. It’s clear it’s unwanted.</p><p>“I would never.”</p><p>Dimitri’s eye widens, finally comprehending her presence.</p><p>“You... It can’t be! You’re alive?! How…?”</p><p>He reaches out to touch her but pulls his hand back at the last second. Instead, Dimitri glowers at her with suspicion and anger. Byleth can feel the resentment rolling off of him in waves. He is lost. The darkness finally consuming the remnants of light still within him. Gone is his kindness, his gentleness. All that remains is a feral beast, wounded and paranoid. It looks as though Dimitri hasn’t seen a friendly face in years. Years. The thought brings her up short. The villager told Byleth that it had been five years since the monastery fell. How long has he been wandering alone in the wilderness? How long has he been fighting Edelgard’s forces without her by his side?</p><p>“I fell…,” Byleth starts, trying to piece together her fragmented memories, “I remember screaming. I fell onto my sword.”</p><p>She flinches remembering the searing pain that had broken her body, the Relic far more powerful than any rock she dashed herself against. Byleth presses a hand to her side, pulling up her shirt slightly to feel the rope-like scar stretching across her ribs and her stomach. Fear settles in her stomach as she understands. No one can survive a wound like that.</p><p>Dimitri watches her fumble, taking in the patchwork of healed wounds that line her skin, all of them dwarfed by the damage the Sword of the Creator left. His lip curls.</p><p>“You expect me to believe that you came back to life? It is not so easy to escape death’s embrace, nor the ghosts that follow.”</p><p>“I was in darkness for a long time.”</p><p>“Yes,” Dimitri says but he is looking beyond her.</p><p>“Sothis woke me from the river.”</p><p>“You were sleeping. For five years.”</p><p>Dimitri’s voice is flat and cutting. Byleth looks up helplessly.</p><p>“I think I might have died. That’s all I know.”</p><p>“That’s not good enough,” he growls before lunging at her, pinning her to the wall. Dimitri’s gauntlet digs into the sides of her throat, breaking the skin, his hands slowly crushing her windpipe.</p><p>“You must be an Imperial spy. Did you come here to kill me?”</p><p>Byleth pulls at his hands weakly as her visions begins to tinge black around the edges. He shakes her roughly.</p><p>“Answer the question!”</p><p>“No,” she wheezes out, gasping when he suddenly releases her with contempt.</p><p>Byleth coughs, rubbing her throat. When she finally looks up at him, she learns a new emotion. Heartbreak. Dimitri glares down at her with unadulterated hatred. The force of it burns and there’s sharp pinpricks of pain in her chest, causing her to hack and dry heave. As she pants on her hands and knees trying to regain her breath, Dimitri scoffs.</p><p>“Useless.”</p><p>It’s a single word, but it strips Byleth of the last of her self-control. A day ago she was leading her students into battle. Today they could be dead for all she knows. And Dimitri treats her like so many other nobles have before. Beneath him. Only valuable to the extent she can be useful to him. Byleth is nothing. Not a teacher, not a weapon, not a person. How very fitting that she should come to this conclusion in the Goddess Tower. Byleth’s eyes burn and she hears his heavy footsteps echoing down the stairwell as she weeps silently.</p><p>
  <em>I love him. He hates me.</em>
</p><p>Finally, she’s able to spit out a glob of blood lodged in her throat. Byleth glances at it confused, and separates out a petal from the rest of it. A single cornflower petal, the exact same shade as Dimitri’s eyes. She wipes the blood from her mouth, utterly dejected. She must have ingested debris during her five years at the bottom of the river.</p><hr/><p>The return of the rest of the Blue Lions makes little difference in Dimitri’s mental state. He remains haunted by cruel ghosts that he pleads with in the ruins of the cathedral.</p><p>“Professor.”</p><p>Felix breaks her train of thought as she stands to the side of the pews. He’s grown well, as good of a swordsman as she’s ever seen. Felix stands at ease, his lithe and muscular frame graceful even while motionless. Byleth is proud to see what he’s become. At least time was not so cruel to all her former students.</p><p>Out of everyone, he seems to have coped with the war the best. Byleth didn’t expect anything else. Felix has always been one to do what needs to be done rather than become wrapped up in regret at what might have been. He gestures towards the hulking form of Dimitri still muttering to himself.</p><p>“I have a request concerning that... creature. I can hardly look at the thing in the state it’s in. Do something about it.”</p><p>Felix’s words are sharp but she can see the veiled concern in his eyes.</p><p>“I’ll do what I can,” she replies.</p><p>Of course she will. The thought of abandoning Dimitri never crossed Byleth’s mind.</p><p>“Please do.”</p><p>Felix sighs and Byleth can see the weight of the war on his shoulders is still heavy, even if he bears it better than most.</p><p>“We tracked the boar for five years. I thought he was dead. In the state he’s in, he might as well be. He’s gotten better at killing people, and in exchange, surrendered what little humanity he had.”</p><p>“Yes,” she agrees.</p><p>Felix glances at her keenly, taking in her ready agreement and the clear grief in her voice. But if he has any thoughts on the subject, he keeps them to himself.</p><p>“Please Felix, I am not anyone’s professor anymore. You may simply call me Byleth.”</p><p>“Byleth,” Felix says, testing out the sound on his tongue before giving her a curt nod.</p><p>She leaves his side to gingerly approach Dimitri but he merely snarls wordlessly at her when she gets too close.</p><hr/><p>Byleth searches for Dimitri after the battle to protect Garreg Mach. Mercedes, Annette, and Flayn are all busy in the infirmary providing healing to their soldiers. Sylvian and Ashe are securing the perimeter. No one has seen him. She heads to the outskirts, the only place she hasn’t checked. For the life of her Byleth doesn’t understand why Dimitri would come here. The answer soon becomes painfully clear as agonized screams echo against the rubble of the village.</p><p>Their prisoner, General Randolph, kneels in the dirt before Dimitri. The delusional prince towers over him with a truly wicked smile on his face. When she was the Ashen Demon she wouldn’t have even flinched at the scene before her. But now the sound of Randolph’s cries makes her want to retch.</p><p>“I have family waiting for me… Please. I can’t die here….”</p><p>“A beast of your depravity, prattling on about family? How amusing.”</p><p>Byleth makes her way through the ruins as quickly as she can. Dimitri has still not seen her.</p><p>“As though you could understand… such a thing as love… You heartless monster!”</p><p>She flinches, pain stabbing through her. She wants to rage that it’s not true, that Dimitri has more heart than anyone else she knows. But guilt washes over her because a small part of her thinks the accusation has some truth to it.</p><p>“You are a monster too, General. You have just yet to realize it. A monster who thinks he’s a man… despicable. As a general, you must have killed countless souls without a shred of mercy. Do you still remember the sound of them begging, just as you’re begging now?”</p><p>The bodies of the bandits Byleth helped him kill when she first arrived flash before her. They were bloody and broken, covering the path back to the monastery. They cried for mercy too, begged for their lives. The brutality with which Dimitri killed them haunts her, their only crime was thievery. When Byleth closes her eyes she sees sweet, kind Ashe lying dead in the streets. Only circumstance separates him from his fellow thieves’ fate.</p><p>“After all is said and done, we are both murderers. Both stained. Both monsters.”</p><p>Dimitri’s voice is cruel and sadistic, reveling in the pain he inflicts on Randolph, drawing it out. The words hit Byleth like gut punches, knocking the air out of her. This is the man she loves. A man who thinks he’s a monster.</p><p>“Enough! That’s enough!”</p><p>“I won’t kill you right away, my fellow monster. Unless you object to watching your friends die. One…by…one. If so, I will do you the service of removing your eyes first so that – “</p><p>Byleth can’t bear to listen anymore, and with a quick flash of her blade, swiftly puts Randolph out of his misery. Dimitri rounds on her, rage flaring in his eye.</p><p>“What is the meaning of this?”</p><p>It would be oh so easy for him to kill her now. The thought doesn’t scare her the way it should. This whole situation is a nightmare she cannot wake up from, a twisted punishment to force her to watch everything she loves turn against her.</p><p>“I miss the Dimitri I once knew.”</p><p>It’s quiet, the sorrow apparent in Byleth’s voice. It only serves to infuriate him further.</p><p>“The Dimitri you once knew is dead. All that remains is the repulsive, blood-stained monster you see before you,” Dimitri spits at her, standing over her with savage intent. “If you do not approve of what I have become, then kill me. If you insist that you cannot... then I will continue to use you and your friends until the flesh falls from your bones.”</p><p>He yells the last few lines and Byleth can only stand there silently under the onslaught of his anger as he finds the right words to twist the thorns rooted in her chest even deeper. Each passing day teaches her that love can be the most painful emotion. Byleth could never kill him. There is not a single timeline in which she could bring herself to end his life, not when he’s fought so hard to stay alive ever since Duscar. Dimitri asked her once to find the reason she wanted to keep living after Jeralt’s passing. What would she live for if he died?</p><p>Byleth remains quiet. There is nothing she can say in this moment that will aid anyone. Dimitri storms off and Byleth surveys the area to see if anyone else witnessed it. Felix steps out of the shadows with his sword drawn. He must have followed her out of the monastery.</p><p>“Are you alright?” he asks gruffly, eyes still scanning in case Dimitri returns.</p><p>“No,” Byleth responds honestly.</p><p>She’s trapped in her body, this thing that feels so many things it feels like her head is splitting. Felix is the only one she can tell. He’s the only one who understands exactly what Dimitri is, what’s happened to him. Everyone else is under the delusion that if they simply make him some baked goods or talk to him the right way that Dimitri will snap out of whatever fog he’s in. For their sake, Byleth must remain unperturbed else their fragile band would fall apart.</p><p>“We’re all going to die if we keep following him.”</p><p>Felix speaks the harsh truth and again it feels like something is strangling her in her chest.</p><p>“We have no other choice,” she responds simply.</p><p>That too, is the bitter truth. The Kingdom is on the verge of collapse, the Knights of Seiros a shadow of their former glory, the Alliance barely holding itself together. Claude cannot help them outright without an uprising on his hands. Dimitri is the only one that can bring all the remnants under one banner. If Dimitri dies, so do their hopes of resistance.</p><p>Felix tsks but his pained expression lets her know that he agrees with her. They tell no one of what they witnessed.</p><p>That night, Byleth dreams of a younger Dimitri, his gleaming blonde hair a halo in the sunlight. He smiles as she shows the orphans at the monastery the correct way to hold a sword and laughs when they inevitably mess up. They demonstrate for the youths and there’s a warmth in her chest as they circle around each other. Dimitri’s gaze is fixed on her, seeing her as she is, and there’s a softness to his eyes that makes tears prick the edges of her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Why am I crying?</em>
</p><p>A choked sob tears its way out of her throat and Dimitri steps towards her concerned. But before he makes it Byleth is startling awake, coughing uncontrollably. She drags herself upright, spluttering as she tries to clear her airway. Reaching into her mouth, Byleth pulls out two petals, speckled with crimson.</p><p>
  <em>Something’s wrong.</em>
</p><hr/><p>“So,” Byleth says quietly, “We’re going to see your father.”</p><p>She and Felix are riding side by side on their way to the Valley of Torment. Dimitri rides far ahead, away from the rest of their troops. The scent of ash and sulfur is becoming stronger.</p><p>“I wonder what my old man will say when he sees the boar again. The two of them used to be close, but goddess knows if the boar will even care when we meet up.”</p><p>“I want to hope that Rodrigue might be able to talk sense into him, but I know it won’t be that easy,” Byleth sighs.</p><p>Felix snorts skeptically.</p><p>“My old man is almost as devoted to the dead as the boar. ‘I will fulfill my duty to the late king.’ He says it over and over, like a mantra.  It’s nauseating. I doubt that he has anything helpful to say.”</p><p>Byleth knows it’s not directed at her, but it still stings slightly. She hasn’t been able to say anything helpful since she found Dimitri either. He still seems to notice.</p><p>“You’re doing all that you can.”</p><p>“It’s not enough.”</p><p>“Don’t you start too.” Felix glares at her. “You are not responsible for what he’s become or his actions. If the boar wants to keep stringing gravestones around his neck until he snaps, that’s his problem. Don’t let him drag you down too.”</p><p>“That’s not what I mean.”</p><p>“Then what do you mean?”</p><p>Byleth rubs the side of her horse’s neck and concentrates on the rhythm of their breathing. It hurts too much to say. Just thinking about the complicated swirl of emotions she has about Dimitri has her lungs stinging in protest. When it becomes clear she isn’t going to answer, Felix sighs irritably and urges his horse forward until he’s abreast with Sylvain. A sad smile crosses Byleth’s face as she watches them together. Sylvain reaches out and brushes a few of Felix’s bangs that have fallen out back behind his ear. Maybe it’s the oppressive heat but Byleth swears she sees Felix turn red.</p><p>The gentle gesture has her heart twisting in misery. Byleth catches a glimpse of Dimitri twisting around in his saddle to take stock of everyone trailing behind him. When his eyes sweep over her, they’re cold and completely devoid of affection. The cracked earth around them spits out more fumes and Byleth coughs violently. When she pulls her hand away there are six petals in her palm. She counts them. Twice.</p><hr/><p>It’s been weeks since she was pulled coughing and shivering from the bottom of the river. The first petal Byleth could chalk up to detritus she might have inhaled. But that doesn’t explain the blue cornflower petals that keep falling out of her mouth every time she remembers the wretched existence Dimitri is trapped in. Remembers the unbridled hatred he now bears for her. The constant coughing leaves her throat feeling like it’s on fire. Byleth can’t lead an army like this.</p><p>She throws herself into research, pulling obscure medical texts from the Garreg Mach archives. Nothing. Not a single mention of anything even remotely resembling coughing up petals. Byleth carries a handkerchief on her at all times, carefully hiding petals away in her pockets before anyone can notice. She excuses herself from meetings when she feels another fit coming. Mercedes offers her some cough medicine that soothes the scratching in her chest for a time. Byleth tells the gentle bishop that it’s merely a symptom of their time in Ailell.</p><p>She can’t keep it a secret forever.</p><p>They're in the midst of taking the Great Bridge of Myrrdin when it happens. Byleth is facing Ladislava, about to extend the Sword of the Creator out to catch the woman’s wyvern and bring it crashing to the ground, when suddenly she can’t breathe. Her blade clatters to the ground as she claws at her throat, hacking as she tries to draw in air and falling to the hard cobblestone.</p><p>“Byleth!”</p><p>Byelth can barely hold her head up but she can see Ladislava bearing down on her, axe raised. Another cough racks its way through her and her vision blurs. When Byleth opens her eyes again Felix is standing above her, grunting as he holds back the brute force of each axe swing.</p><p>“Now Ashe!” Felix yells.</p><p>Somewhere beyond her vision the gray-haired archer takes aim, and brings Ladislava down. Byleth is still coughing, still gasping as petals flood her fists and she can’t hold them all before they’re spilling to the ground. Felix turns back to her, desperation apparent in his expression and when he sees the petals he freezes. Byleth tries to hold as many of the petals to her chest as she can and there must be fear in her eyes because Felix lifts her without another word and covers her chest and the petals with his cloak. No one tries to stop him.</p><p>The next thing Byleth knows she’s back in her dormitory room at Garreg Mach and Felix is dozing in a chair next to her bedside. Stretching out her limbs, Byleth experimentally tries to sit up but lets out a pained gasp as soon as she does. The noise startles Felix awake and he gently pushes her back down.</p><p>“You need to rest.”</p><p>Byleth winces as a soft cough makes its way through her body. Felix tsks in annoyance.</p><p>“What were you thinking? You could have died because of your stubbornness. Goddess you’re just like Sylvain, I’m always having to drag him out of close calls too. But you should <em>know </em>better.”</p><p>“What... what happened?” she asks him.</p><p>Felix snorts.</p><p>“I think you’re the one that needs to be answering that question. How long have you been coughing up petals?”</p><p>Her brow furrows in confusion.</p><p>“You know what this is?”</p><p>Felix rubs his face with his hands and sighs heavily.</p><p>“Yes. It’s an old wives’ tale really, never thought it was real. It’s a disease, called hanahaki.”</p><p>“But how did I get it?”</p><p>“You can only contract hanahaki if you fall in love but your love is unrequited.”</p><p>Byleth swallows slowly, testing out her control before slowly sitting up again. Felix hands her a glass of water.</p><p>“So what happens now?” she asks.</p><p>“Either you tell the person you love the truth and hope that they reciprocate, have surgery to remove the flowers, or you die.”</p><p>Felix doesn’t mince words or try to soften the blow. She appreciates it. She spends too much of her time doing that for everyone else.</p><p>“What does surgery entail?”</p><p>He gives her a sharp glance. Byleth skipped over the first option entirely.</p><p>“It removes the roots and flowers from your lungs, but in exchange you’ll forget everything you know about the person in question.”</p><p>Byleth sags back against the pillows. So not an option.</p><p>“Don’t give up like that,” Felix chides her, “There’s a chance we can find someone who can attempt the surgery.”</p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?” he demands, “You’re our commander, the only damn thing keeping this army together. Everyone might be following Dimitri, but they listen to <em>you</em>. You can’t just let yourself die from something so stupid as heartbreak.”</p><p>“Felix.”</p><p>Byleth is awake now and calm.</p><p>“I cannot tell the person my feelings nor can I get the surgery because I am in love with Dimitri.”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>Felix clenches his fists in his lap.</p><p>“He’s not capable of reciprocating your feelings in this state.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“And you can’t lead us if you suddenly forget everything you know about Dimitri.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>.”</p><p>“We can’t tell anyone.”</p><p>Felix’s shoulders shake in anger. Not at her, but at the circumstances fate has forced them into. Byleth reaches out a hand to grasp Felix’s. Her eyes glint with determination.</p><p>“I’m not going to die yet, I still have to lead us out of this bloody war.”</p><p>His mouth twists in an attempt to smile but it comes out sour. Felix gives up after a moment and simply looks at her.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says and it’s clear he means it.</p><p>“There’s nothing you can do about it.”</p><p>“I know. I’m still sorry.”</p><p>Byleth squeezes his hand again.</p><p>“Never let go of Sylvain, yeah?”</p><p>He blushes and turns his head to the side.</p><p>“No, I won’t. Not without me.”</p><p>“Felix?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Promise me you’ll help lead them after?”</p><p>He’s the only one she trusts to do it. Felix will protect the citizens of Faerghus and their friends. He’ll do what needs to be done. Felix’s gaze softens.</p><p>“I promise.”</p><hr/><p>Byleth does her best to stay off the frontlines after the near fatal accident at Myrrdin. She stays on the field where she can see the moving parts and give orders accordingly. She intervenes when she must and heals wherever she can. It’s all that Byleth can do.</p><p>They’re heading to Gronder next and Dimitri is only growing worse. The news that Edelgard will be there leading the Imperial army has sent him spiraling back into the abyss of his mind, undoing any good Dedue’s reappearance might have done. He’s more erratic while fighting. Byleth has to rewind time to save him more often than anyone else. Dimitri refuses to listen to orders, only cutting a path through enemy soldiers in whatever manner he desires. It takes a toll on her, expending magic as much as she does. But the images haunt her more.</p><p>Dimitri weakly pulling at an arrow shot through his throat, blood bubbling up on his lips as he tries to form words.</p><p>An axe cleaving Dimitri’s back, the force cutting through muscle and bone. He’s dead before he hits the ground.</p><p>The worst one is when Dimitri gets stabbed in the gut. He kills the enemy soldier easily enough but manages to twist the blade in the process. In that timeline Byleth held his head in her lap as he painfully wheezed, the wound fatal but slow to bleed him out. She thinks she saw a spark of genuine recognition in his eyes before he died that time.</p><p>All of them only serve to exacerbate her already worsening condition. Over and over Byleth pushes herself to the limits of her abilities to keep Dimitri alive. The moment of danger passes and he fights on with no knowledge of the fates he’s escaped. But she remembers. Byleth convulses and then she’s staggering out of the command tent to retch out more petals.</p><p>By now Byleth can feel the roots taking hold, the thorns puncturing her lungs with each passing day. But she doesn’t let it show. She pushes through until she’s in private where she can gasp as much as she likes.</p><p>Byleth can’t avoid Dimitri even if she wanted to. He haunts the cathedral, growls in the background of every war meeting, refuses to stay behind for any battle. He <em>needs</em> Edelgard’s head. It drives him like nothing else. One night when Byleth attempts to bring him dinner, Dimitri whirls on her, snarling that if she gets in his way he won’t hesitate to cut her down. Byleth doesn’t react, she refuses to give him the satisfaction.</p><p>As soon as she gets back to her room, blood is splattering onto her hand as she tries to contain whatever is forcing its way out of her chest. Two full flowers fall out onto her lap. It’s a sign that Byleth is close to dying. She tells Felix. He nods, acknowledging the information but his face is pale. In a rare display of affection, Felix embraces her. As Byleth returns to her room she sees Felix head to Sylvain’s room and knock. She wipes at her mouth with her handkerchief, staining it red.</p><p>
  <em>Not yet. I need more time.</em>
</p><hr/><p>Victory is near on Gronder Field. The chaos that commenced when all three armies met on the battlefield ensures that Byleth must fight. This is too important battle for her to not lead. She manages to communicate to Claude that they’re not here to fight them, only the Empire, and she does her best to steer Dimitri away from the Alliance. The fog is confusing and at one point the entire hill at the center of the field erupts in flames, startling the calvary’s horses. Byleth sees Sylvain calming down his mount before continuing forward. It’s a brutal fight and it’s clear both sides are fighting with everything they have.</p><p>Byleth fights side-by-side with Dimitri because she’s the only one who can keep up with him. It also allows her protect to him so she can conserve her Divine Pulses. Already Byleth has used several to save Annette who went up the hill and was incinerated, Ashe who was shot down by the Alliance by accident, and Mercedes who was caught off guard by a surprise attack. Wave after wave of Imperial battalions crash against them but Dimitri cuts them down every time. Byleth has to run ahead to neutralize Hubert because if Dimitri has one weakness, it’s magic. But in the end Dimitri will not be denied. The last remaining solders standing between him and her are annihilated. He corners Edelgard at the edge of the field.</p><p>“Stab your chest, break your neck, smash your head... I will allow you to choose your own death.”</p><p>Dimitri’s smile is maniacal as he taunts a wounded Edelgard. She leans to her right, easing off her injured leg and she’s breathing heavily.</p><p>“I’m not interested in methods of dying. All that matters is when death takes place, not how. And I have no intention of dying today.”</p><p>Edelgard stares up at Dimitri uncowed and brings Amyr up defensively. Something snaps in Dimitri because he roars in anger and spins Areadbhar in his hands dangerously.</p><p>“I’m sure all of the people you’ve slaughtered so far thought the same!”</p><p>Edelgard barely manages to bring Amyr up to deflect and even so the sheer power of the blow staggers her. She's smaller and faster than Dimitri though so she steps inside of his range and switches to her sword. Dimitri is forced back by her close quarter attacks and for a moment it seems like the tide might have turned against him as Edelgard scores a hit. But Dimitri can fight through almost anything and he only laughs at the sword currently piercing his side. He grabs the blade with his left hand to pull it from her grasp before thrusting Areadbhar towards her throat with his right. Pink light flashes and suddenly Edelgard is not there.</p><p>“NO!” Dimitri bellows, swinging through the air where she just was.</p><p>“Your Highness, we must retreat! The Imperial army is closing in!” Rodrigue calls out to them, riding towards their position.</p><p>Dimitri growls, ignoring Rodrigue and makes to pursue the retreating soldiers by himself. Byleth throws herself at him to grab his arm and pull him back.</p><p>“Dimitri, we must pull back!”</p><p>“Let me GO!” he yells, shaking her off violently. Byleth is flung against a tree and hits the bark hard. There’s a sickening crunch and Byleth knows she’s broken bones.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>(Glass shatters and time restitches itself)</em> </strong>
</p><p>“Dimitri, we must pull back!”</p><p>This time Byleth runs in front of him, Sword of the Creator held defensively.</p><p>“No! I can end this!”</p><p>He swings Areadbhar at her and she’s forced to dodge. Dimitri takes the opening to sprint down the hill, reaching a battalion of soldiers. Byleth can only watch in horror as Dimitri collapses and is pierced by so many spears.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>(Glass shatters and time restitches itself)</em> </strong>
</p><p>“Dimitri, we must pull back!”</p><p>Byleth holds her hands out pleadingly. She has no Divine Pulses left.</p><p>“Please,” she cries, “There will be another chance!”</p><p>Dimitri’s frame is vibrating with conflicted frustration.</p><p>“She’s - she’s so close! I can’t let her escape!”</p><p>He shoulders past her and Byleth finally breaks.</p><p>
  <em>If turning back the hands of time was not enough to save his life, you must accept what came to pass was fate.</em>
</p><p>She can’t save him. Dimitri will die and she will die of unrequited love for him and it will all have been for nothing. It’s the last straw and Byleth sucks in a pained gasp when she can physically feel the thorns tightening, shredding her lungs beyond repair. Bloody flower after bloody flower spills out of her mouth and Byleth can taste the rust mixed with floral on her tongue. She fists the dirt beneath her, coughing frantically, clutching at her throat because she can’t breathe. Dimitri turns back to her, hearing her desperate struggle. His single ice blue eye widens.</p><p>“Professor!”</p><p>The world seems to tilt to the side and before she knows it Dimitri is catching her as she falls. Byleth would laugh if it weren’t so painful, the feeling of him cradling her against his chest so familiar.</p><p>“Professor, hang on! Mercedes is coming, just hold on a little longer.”</p><p>Her head lolls back and her vision is starting to fade as her eyes lose focus.</p><p>“No, no, no!” Dimitri is weeping brokenly, openly, “Give her back! I can’t lose her, not again. Please don’t send her to haunt me.”</p><p>The flowers in her lap are crushed in Dimitri’s fists as he holds her. A thin line of blood trails down the corner of Byleth’s mouth. A weak shudder dislodges enough of the petals to give her one shallow breath. Byleth covers one his hands with her own.</p><p>“Dimi...tri...”</p><p>Dimitri looks at her and this time she knows. He sees her.</p><p>“Byleth,” he whispers, “I didn’t - I didn’t see. Please forgive me.”</p><p>Dimitri tilts forward so that their foreheads touch.</p><p>“Please don’t leave me.”</p><p>“...love...you...”</p><p>It uses up the last of Byleth’s oxygen but she sees when his eye widens at her words. Dimitri holds her face between his palms, she can feel the warmth on her skin.</p><p>“Byleth, you are my beloved,” he says deep and rumbling, but sure. Dimitri searches her expression frantically to see if she understands. “I’m - I’m a monster, how could you possibly love me? When you fell from that cliff five years ago, I thought it might be divine punishment for daring to think I deserved you. But I love you.”</p><p>Something relaxes in Byleth’s chest, roots pulling back still dragging their thorns. The sudden pain overwhelms her body and everything goes black.</p><p>“<em>Beloved, stay with me</em>.”</p><hr/><p>Byleth wakes to the sound of raised voices outside of her tent.</p><p>“She almost died for you boar! You think you can just swoop in at the last minute and everything will be ok?”</p><p>She winces, recognizing Felix’s voice.</p><p>“No of course not!”</p><p>“How can you be sure you love her? You’ve haven’t felt anything but revenge for five years!”</p><p>“I will atone for my sins, I swear it!”</p><p>It grows silent for a moment. Quieter.</p><p>“You must let me see her. Please.”</p><p>There’s a stumbling sound as someone is shoved back.</p><p>“I swear to the goddess Dimitri if you kill her now I will cut you down where you stand.”</p><p>“Understood.”</p><p>There’s a rustling sound as her tent flap is pulled to the side. Dimitri steps in and when he looks at her Byleth can see life in his eye again. A smile spreads across her face and she can feel moisture gathering in the corners of her eyes.</p><p>“Beloved?” Dimitri asks fearfully, “Are you hurting?”</p><p>He moves swiftly to her side and holds one of her hands.</p><p>“No,” Byleth hiccups, “I’m just glad you’re back.”</p><p>His face is still gaunt and deep, dark circles still line his eyes, but Dimitri is no longer shrouded in darkness. He brings up her hand to brush a kiss across her knuckles.</p><p>“I lost myself, for a long time. I’m… I’m still lost.”</p><p>“Not lost. Merely troubled.”</p><p>Dimitri’s expression is like a storm, swirling through so many intense emotions one after another that it’s dizzying to watch. Byleth squeezes his hand tightly.</p><p>“You’re not alone anymore Dimitri.”</p><p>The storm breaks and tears stream down his face.</p><p>“You saved me. Your kind, warm hands brought me back to the light. I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”</p><p>Byleth reaches up to brush her thumb across his cheekbone and he rests his head in her hand. There’s a warm tightening in her chest but for the first time in months she breathes easy. This warmth is familiar. Byleth leans forward to press a chaste kiss against his cheek. Dimitri’s eye flutters shut and he tilts her face towards his and kisses her with soft lips, trembling with yearning and disbelief.</p><p>“I still cannot believe that after everything, you would want me,” he whispers against her skin.</p><p>“I love you,” Byleth breathes, “I would follow you anywhere.”</p><p>Dimitri pulls back with an awed expression.</p><p>“Until the bitter end,” he finishes.</p><p>Byleth shakes her head.</p><p>“I do not think that will be your fate.”</p><p>“No,” Dimitri agrees, his face soft, “Not anymore.”</p><p>When Byleth kisses him again, for the first time in a long time, the two of them have hope.</p>
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